I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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