Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
