I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
