Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
