Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
