I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
