billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is Oprah even human
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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