Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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