I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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