Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
