i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
