everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
