Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
