So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
