well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
