8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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