im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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