I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
