I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
