I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
