I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
