I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
