If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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