I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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