note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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