I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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