i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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