it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
