She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
