All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
