You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh god it's open bar.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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