So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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