I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
