I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
