How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
