she was so not down for the gang bang
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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