I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
