Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
