Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
