One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Someone came in the potted fern
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
