You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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