I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
