I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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