i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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