I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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