That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
