I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
