It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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