Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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