Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
