i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
